We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
