omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
