She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
