I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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