Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
