Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
