My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
