Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
