Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
