I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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