just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
