Redeem this text for a blowjob
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You've changed since you got that strap on
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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