I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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