I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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