and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
