I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
