I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
