I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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