Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
