So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
