one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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