someone owes me an orgasm
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
