Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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