can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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