Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
