Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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