i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
