Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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