we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
