he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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