a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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