You just made me feel so damn special
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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