addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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