I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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