Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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