fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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