Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
