i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
