Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
