Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
