I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
