i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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