I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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