I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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