Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
