Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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