That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
