so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
not ubering you a puppy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
