u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
