bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
