the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
