My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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