why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
