True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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