i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
