Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
