and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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