walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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