They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Enjoy the penises
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
