All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
