i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
