Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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