Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
