you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?