the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
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I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.