Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
