for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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