Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
