is your mom at the bar?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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