if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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