Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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