i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We are two peas in an std pod
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
