you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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