I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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