I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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