The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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