I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
