I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
