nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
