I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
