He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You can't motorboat a personality
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
